How to Start a Dialogue about Downsizing Elderly Parents

Many seniors elect to downsize to a smaller home, as they realize that maintaining a larger home feels like a burden. Seniors choose to downsize for a number or reasons: cost savings, fewer home maintenance responsibilities, and lifestyle convenience. 

Some seniors desire to age in place, even when staying in their current home poses a safety hazard or is an impractical solution. How can adult children convince their parents that downsizing is the best option for their lifestyle, changing health needs, or their finances? Learn tips to facilitate a dialogue about the future and to help your parents downsize.

Table of Contents:

What Is Downsizing?

Bridge the Communication Gap: How to Convince Elderly Parents to Move

• What To Do When An Elderly Parent Refuses Help

Advice for Helping Your Parents Downsize

• Tips for Downsizing Possessions and Donating to Charities

Move Pro Experts Creates Stress-Free Downsizing Solutions

Key Takeaways:

Downsizing refers to moving to a smaller home and living a more minimalist lifestyle. When seniors transition to a smaller home, they may grieve the forever home they must leave. Not all seniors are prepared to downsize or even wish to move. Adult children who are concerned about the safety of their parents need to open up a respectful dialogue to introduce the idea of downsizing. Convey how a smaller home increases independence, without sacrificing happiness or diminishing family memories.

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What Is Downsizing?

Downsizing–in the moving and move management industry–refers to choosing to relocate to a smaller home, apartment, or condo and living a minimalist lifestyle. Downsizing requires homeowners to assess their furniture and possessions, determining what they need, use, and love. 

Homeowners may choose to downsize, but this moving choice is common among senior adults who may discover they no longer need a larger home. Seniors also choose to downsize out of financial necessity or because their physical limitations no longer allow them to care for and maintain their larger homes.

When seniors choose to downsize or desire to minimize their square footage and their possessions, they may embrace the change and look forward to their new, smaller home. Adult children of senior parents may understand that their parents struggle to maintain and organize their larger home or notice that parents have difficulty navigating the home. While adult children understand the need for their parents to downsize, aging parents could resist this move and rebuff their children’s offer to help them declutter and downsize. 

Bridge the Communication Gap: How to Convince Elderly Parents to Move

Adult children know their parents need help, and they understand that parents can no longer maintain the family home. How can they convince them to downsize to a smaller space?

The relationship between parents and children operates under the silent rule that the parent knows best. Parents, even as they age and struggle, may feel that their child should not dictate their future. Adult children of senior parents often feel powerless as they witness the increasing physical limitations experienced by their parents. When safety concerns threaten the health and wellness of aging senior parents, children must take action. 

Opening a dialogue about downsizing should not be construed as a relationship taboo. Addressing the health and safety of parents helps them identify–and, ideally, accept–the daily struggles and hazards posed by staying in a home that is too large and cumbersome. 

Here are 10 tips for facilitating a kind, compassionate, and meaningful conversation with senior parents about downsizing to a smaller home:

1. Write down your thoughts and concerns. Create a conversation outline to ensure the discussion stays on task and addresses concerns and pain points. 

2. Check your anger and frustration at the door.  Never enter a conversation with hostility, anger, or frustration. Yes, parents can be stubborn. However, agitation only influences everyone to dig in their heels. 

3. Choose a neutral location for the conversation. Do not address downsizing at your home or your parent’s home. Instead, schedule a dinner at a favorite restaurant or go out for coffee.

4. Dispel any misperception that  “downsizing” equates to children wanting their parents to move to a nursing home. Be very clear that the topic is focused only on the need for your parents to move to a home that is a better fit for their future. 

5. Don’t let parents change the subject. Be firm about concerns–especially as they relate to your parents’ physical safety and wellness.

6. Prepare to overcome objections. A parent may suggest that adult children “help” them more around the home. While this may be an easy solution for parents, explain how this situation does not work in practice. Adult children may have too many personal obligations to commit to regular caregiving. 

7. Listen to parents. Moving out of a forever home is a very big decision. Listen to the opinions of parents about this choice; think about their perspective.

8. Understand that some financial concerns and decisions may be difficult for parents to discuss. However, adult children need to help parents identify their options by opening up a discussion about any financial limitations or restrictions. 

9. Help parents begin their search for a new home. Offer to tour apartments, condos, or smaller homes with parents to help them learn about their options. 

10. Know when to end the conversation. Discussing the need for parents to downsize may result in parents feeling overwhelmed, defensive, or angry. When the conversation halts, it’s time to end the discussion. Understand when to table the topic.

What to Do When an Elderly Parent Refuses Help

Some senior parents vehemently disagree with moving to a smaller home. The majority of aging seniors prefer to age in place in their current home. They may refuse to engage in any dialogue about the topic, and they may even refuse the help offered by their adult children. What now? How do adult children move forward when an elderly parent refuses help?

If parents are of sound mind and staying in their current home does not pose an immediate safety risk, adult children cannot force help (or a move) on their parents. However, if safety is a concern, adult children might need to create a united front to initiate a move for parents. For parents who are adamant about aging in place, adult children must work with parents to initiate the necessary home modifications to increase safety and wellbeing.

Tips for Helping Your Parents Downsize

When parents are ready to move to a smaller home, condo, or community, adult children are crucial resources for helping them transition. Adult children do not always have the time to be the arms and legs behind a move, but they can help parents reach out to teams like Move Pro Experts who help seniors manage all aspects of downsizing. Even when time is limited, adult children can contribute to the new journey by offering guidance or support with these tasks:

• Organizing items and helping parents identify what to keep, toss or donate/sell

• Helping parents clean a home before listing the property

• Touring new homes with parents or researching viable properties online

• Packing items into boxes in preparation for a move

• Cleaning out their old space in the family home and taking possession of items that remain in the home (from childhood or the teen years)

• Dropping off donations at thrift stores

Perhaps the best way adult children can help their parents prepare to downsize is to lend an ear. Emotions vary during the downsizing process. Parents may feel grief about leaving their current home or desire to reminisce and tell stories about cherished possessions or items they need to donate/sell. Listen to parents; lend an ear and show care and compassion during the transition. 

Downsizing Possessions and Donating to Charities

Donating items to charities (like local thrift stores) allows seniors to give their old possessions another life. Someone will purchase and cherish the item; in this way, every donation cycles back into use. Thrift stores are filled with treasures!

Move Pro Experts helps every client find charities for their donations. Some of the best local thrift stores include: 

• Savers

• St. Martha’s Second Hand Treasures

• Goodwill of Southern California

Move Pro Experts Creates Stress-Free Downsizing Solutions

The team at Move Pro Experts manages all the phases and steps of downsizing to allow clients and their families to focus on the journey ahead. Our team helps clients work with a real estate agent to find a new, smaller space, and we help stage the home to create the most desirable design for potential buyers. We manage all the tedious but necessary tasks of the move, too. 

Trust us to pack and sort items, drop donations at local charities, organize the new home, and even schedule new utility services. When adult children of senior parents need help managing the downsizing journey, reach out to Move Pro Experts for a consultation today!